Which Type Are You?

Here is a list of the main types of customers we get in the store in no particular order. Which one are you?

1 The guy looking for a cheap, high alcohol beer.

2 The First Date couple who just came out of a movie and want to extend the night and loosen up by getting a bottle of wine. They usually can’t agree on the type of wine to get.

3 The Lurker who is with their wife/girlfriend but she is somewhere else in the mall that he doesn’t want to be.

4 The Tourist. The Tourist has many sub categories.

• A The European looking for Canadian wine.
• B The Asian looking for Canadian Ice wine.
• C The American looking for Budweiser, or Yellow Tail.
• D The Ontarian looking for BC wine, because the communist rules of the LCBO don’t buy BC wine.

5 The Party Animals coming out of the bar who are trying to keep the party going like rock stars, and they buy a bottle of Vodka, a wine and a case of beer…EACH! You laugh at them because you know you are not going to wake up in the morning beside the toilet.

6 The Romantic who comes in looking for a wine they had 10 years ago that was really good…Do you know the name of it? It has a different looking label, it is really good.

7 The Regular who surprise you by buying something different from what they have purchased over the last few months.

8 The soon to be alcoholic who is looking for a Mickey of vodka. I believe they are looking for a Mickey because they don’t trust themselves only drinking part of the bottle if they buy a 26er.

9 The Dreamer who is going to buy a couple of wines under $20, but looks around to see what else there is… thinking someday I will be able to afford the bottle over $20.

10 The Wine Geek looking for something new and interesting.

Street Wines

A friend sent me this website http://www.bumwine.com/tbird.html. It is a site that I am sure the wine press would not go near. It lists the cheapest and possibly the worst wines ever made. The website is designed to show that these are wines are for the street or the trailer park. Ricky, Julian and Bubbles would love these wines. There is reviews, polls and links to other street drinks. It’s just too bad that there isn’t more free WiFi Hotspots for the homeless to make their voice heard. Who better to tell us which wine gives you the best buzz for the buck, well… Uh… that’s… Uh… if it’s even a buck. Or maybe they could give us tips on which wine goes best with food picked out of a dumpster.

I find it bizarre that there are wine companies out there that actually target this market. Do you think there are large posters in their offices showing bums drinking their wine? Are there endorsement deals where you get a larger cardboard box to sleep in if you promote their swill? Were these companies created by some entrepreneurial derelict that saw a niche market? Well if anything it makes Yellow Tail seem really high class.

Some of the great quotes From the site;
"Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation”

There is also a new "Blue Raspberry" flavor with "BLING BLING"

Some suspect that Night Train is really just Thunderbird with some Kool-Aid-like substance added to try to mask the Clorox flavor

Wild Irish Rose - Wild Fruit with Ginseng - Word on the streets here is that the bums are wary of it

Vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery

WARNING: This light yellow liquid turns your lips and mouth black!

A well known wine critic’s method of telling a good wine from a great wine depends on how long you can taste the after you swallow. A great wine will have a longer finish than a good wine. I wonder how he would classify these wines because I would assume that the taste of these wines would stay with you forever.