A failing grade of 84.

I was reading an article about the scores and rating wines and thought there was an insightful observation. It pretty much said that a wine which scores 84 is a bad wine. This is because the scale really doesn’t go from 1 to 100 but rather 70 to 100. If you look at it that 70 to 100 is really like 1 to 30 and a score of 84 is really 14 then a 14 out of 30 is 46% . If you followed that it shows that a score of 84 is actually 46% which is a failing grade in any school that I went.



My scale goes like this; - T, E, L, 3, V, !
T - Not my taste, should market to bums…I think I am drinking Thunderbird?
E - I like but it’s not worth the price...i.e. Expensive
L - This is a Location wine …It would taste better…with food
…on a cold/warm day
…on a beach/in the mountains
…etc
3 - Third Bottle wine…It’s good because it’s cheap and I don’t want to drink the good stuff any more because I won’t remember it….and these friends aren’t worth it.
V - Will buy and keep different vintages to see if it changes.
! - I would like to drown in this!

Resturants are Evil!

Why is wine so expensive in reasturants?….It’s not like they are growing, picking and fermenting the grapes, and then storing the wine for years until it’s ready. They buy it like any other wine retailer…at cost!! Is there a law that resturants have to screw their customers who buy alcohol?

I understand that there are additional costs in a restaurant that need to be made on the profit from the wine….Like there is a bit of service involved in opening and pouring the wine, I actually charge myself $15 to open a bottle at home. I especially love sticking it to myself when I have a screw top, 15 bucks to twist...Sucker! Next is the wine glasses…They don’t wash themselves! Then there is the Sommelier, who buys the wine, manages the wine and matches the wines to the food. I have never seen a Sommelier at Earl’s or The Keg they just have wait staff who responed to your wine questions by saying we have Red Wine and White wine. Even if the restaurant has a Sommelier there should be no real additional cost to purchase the wine because a retail store hires someone as well.

It just doesn’t make any sense why the wine is so insultingly overpriced. A wine that retails between $12 and $15 probably has a cost around $8. Restaurants sell this for around $30 to $35 for a bottle which is really insulting because its probably not a very good wine in the first place. So if a wine is three to four times its’ cost it goes without saying that the more expensive the wine the more you are getting screwed. When you go to good restaurant and are ordering good food, why do you have to drink a wine that you probably wouldn’t purchase in the first place?

So I think resturants should sell wine just a few dollars above retail cost. That way people won't feel like they have been screwed and the meal would probably taste better.

Nobody Wine Chung tonight!!

I have a couple of drinking problems.

The first is I can’t keep the wine in the glass. When ever I am drinking red wine I can not help but stain everything red. Whether it’s a white carpet, a new white shirt or a light coloured couch I always end up with red wine all over. And it seems to be getting worse; it used to be just few drops but I recently spilled a whole glass on my couch. What I need is a sippy wine glass! All I can say is thank God for Spot Shot. I don’t know what chemicals are in Spot Shot and I don’t think I want to know, but it is amazing how well it works. I should actually buy shares in the company since I use it so much.

The second problem is DUI – Downloading Under the Influence. I think on Friday and or Saturday nights these music sites should make you register how many glasses of wine you have had before you download any music. Or at least hold the download off till morning so you can see if that brilliant idea you had of making a disc of the songs you hate the most at 1:00 am and after several glasses of wine is really a good idea….Let’s see I think I will download Supertramp’s Breakfast in America, Any Black Eyed Peas Song, the theme song to the OC, Opus – Live is Life..NaNa Na Na Na, What is that Micheal Jackson song with Paul McCartney now? …Oh yeah I can’t forget Dire Straits Money for Nothing and Extreme’s More than words and Billy Joel and REM’s Shiny Happy People and Wang Chung….Actually I think it was Wang Chung that made me spill my wine all over my couch…Oh No I just Wine Chung’d the couch!!!

Mmmmm Beery!

Three words – Chedder Beer chips!
Do you think a Coq au Vin flavour would work?

The Spicy Thai flavour is also damn good.

Drink the Vote!

If you are undecided how to vote in the upcoming election this may help you decide.

If you are drinking a wine with really high alcohol from Ontario that costs a lot of money and you think it is a certain grape but you find out after when you get it home and finish the bottle that it is a different grape altogether but you don’t care…you should probably be voting Liberal

If you are drinking, but not drinking too much, an inexpensive wine from BC that doesn’t go with any food and is labeled a Product of Canada but you know is actually made from grapes from the US…you should probably be voting Conservative

If you are drinking a wine that sources grapes from many different vineyards so it can make the best wine possible, but no matter how hard it does to promote itself as the great Canadian alternative to top French and American wines it still doesn’t get any respect… nor does it sell very much…nor is it very good…you should probably be voting NDP

If you are drinking an exclusive high end French wine, that Robert Parker rated 100 points, out of a $100 glass made especially for this bottle and you don’t care about the price of the wine or the glass because you didn’t pay for either but you think you are entitled to be drinking this wine….you should probably be voting Bloc Quebecois

If you are drinking an organic wine made by a vineyard that uses no fossel fuels when picking their grapes because the fake Ashram down the street has volunteered all of it’s people, who haven’t shaved or washed in a month, to pick the grapes instead. The wine from this vineyard is then stored using pyramids and fengshui …You should probably be voting Green

If you are drinking Yellow Tail…You are probably asking yourself, What Election?

Pop Wine

You bought the CD, you watched the video, you went to the concert, you bought the t-shirt, you bought the DVD, you read the book…What’s left?
Well duh….the wine you idiot.
Madonna has launched a wine…Yes that Madonna! It’s called ‘Confessions’ after her album ‘Confessions on a Dance Floor’. Here is the first review of her album and/or wine… you decide.

It’s like something from 1978 where ideas were stolen from other more respectable people and she tries to pass it off as her creation. It’s bland , boring, uncomplicated and in your face. It seems to stick with you where ever you go but I wouldn’t say it has a long finish. Overall it's OK every once and a while when you are feeling trashy.

I think she would have been better off using older song titles like; Borderline Barbera, Material Girl Merlot, Papa Don’t Preach Pinot Grigo, Vogue Verdelho, Into the Groove Grenache and Erotic Ehrenfelser and the Non-alcoholic wine should obviously be called Like A Virgin….Although a wine called Into the Groove has potential.

I have the assumption that the wine will be bad because music is bad.
Furthering that assumption if you put out good music you probably would put out good wine. Just imagine the possibilities for wine names if Robert Plant and Jimmy Page put out a wine. Four Sticks, Black Dog, Heartbreaker(Pinot Noir), Bron-Yr-Aur, The Crunge, Zoso and who would not drink a wine called Stairway to Heaven. David Bowie would have Zinny Stardust, Montepulciano Daydream, Rebel Rebel and Thin White D’or. Mick Jones from the Clash – Spanish Bombs, Magnificent Seven….I could go on but I’m sure you get the idea.

VinePod 2

I was told on the weekend that I could take pictures of all of the wines and put them on the Ipod. Iwonder if I can I create playlists with pictures and then I could have a different folder for each region.

...Ok Now I have crossed into the geeky side.

VinePod

Would it be too wine geeky to have your wine cellar inventory listed on your IPod? This would help the absentminded people like me to remember what wines and vintages I have when I go shopping.

I think the answer is....maybe.

New Wine Term

I don’t know where I heard this from but I like it!

You open a wine. The colour is appetizing. The aroma is pleasant. The initial flavour has you thinking this is a good wine. You swallow and the bam…This wine has ASStertase!

Ass–ter-taste

1 A lingering sensation in the mouth that tastes like ASS

2 That taste in your mouth when you first wake up after you have been drinking the night before and you hope that your toothbrush is part chisel.

3 That feeling of fur and dryness that you get after drinking coffee and I assume cigarettes.

4 You know when you go into one of those outhouses that has never been cleaned and you close your mouth and hold your breath because there is a lingering ASSness.

5 Spending a lot of money of a wine you were told was good but your idea of earthy is something different.

PS
Where is Puffy Food???